what's the problem ..?

okay, forego the stupid 'type in standard english' thingy for now. [deep breath] i can't sleep.. which is weird . i would usually go to sleep once mrhappy goes to sleep. so what's the problem?

the problem:
i've lost someone who used to be close to me. as everyone should know who she is. i've lost her like since, i don't know when, but that's not the point. nicholas chew once asked me to patch things up with her. but she, well, i thought that she hated me. &yes. she does. but i wasn't really that affected. even when hongkiat copied her post and sent me via sms, i read it. but i didn't have any reactions. i didn't even know she had blogged. mind you, she posted a huge picture of herself before her post. i thought hongkiat was saying her previous post. anyw, after reading his msg of her post, i went to take a bath. i was thinking if i should be angry and flame her. which would make me the same as her. she called me a bitch, not once, but twice. the first time, i thought she was still my friend. but at that point, she was a hypocrite. [it's the truth. so i'm not flaming her.] we apologised but we still didn't talk much. so, like a cheese left in the open for too long, our relationship soured again. the second time which is her most recent post, hmm.. i'd say i took it pretty well. i thought of calling her a poser, a minah-wannabe. whatever it's spelt. well, truthfully, that's what i think she is, a minah-wannabe. posting pictures of herself in almost every post and always in the same pose. but that's not why i called her a poser. =.= anyw, it's still bothering me. it's somehow related to me &i know i'm not really supposed to be blogging about this thing, but i can't sleep! so yeah. back to the point, firstly, she still can't get over it. =.= no matter how many times she said she got over it, she hasn't. totally. just the part of the 'o' levels thing. i guess? :/ still, is it worth hating people over this kind of things? i mean, it's only going to be a few more months for olevel to start and a few weeks and it will be gone. does hating people add spice to one's life? i find that rather tiring. i admit, i do hate a person, but i do not hate that person on purpose. i have better things to do. yes, i complain about that person to my bestfriend. but he's just a small piece of thread in my life. so, yeah, that person is practically virtual. okay, i have digressed. i don't know what am i going to say now, &i have totally lost my point of tonight's post. hahs. ohh well. :] i just feel kind of wasted. but since she doesn't treasure the 4 years of friendship, then so be it. i never really liked going crazy and being girly. no, i like going crazy but not crazy and girly at the same time. i. will. DIE. i don't like pink.. =.= never really into pink since young... =.= it's a nice... bright colour... :/ still, not what i like. comments on her, she tries too hard???? o.O un-trustworthy?? she could probably not trust me from the beginning of our'friendship' anyway. one minute she tells me she's fine, the next, she tells her cronies she actually hates me. two-sided much? comments on myself, self-reflection and medication. nobody's perfect. i think too much and i'm loud. i can't change that. that's one of my characteristic, i suppose...? as long as i'm comfortable with myself, i'll be fine. :] you live for yourself, why care about what people say? just because people think that you are cute, doesn't mean you post all the ooh-i'm-so-pretty-and-chic-and-cute-and-passersby-think-that-too photos in every post you make. i think that's really hypocritical. it's plain cheating and deceiving to yourself. and i'm saying this in a generic way. okay, i shall stop bullshitting here. i have totally lost my point. =.=





I STILL CAN'T SLEEP.

later still need to wake up early........ going out to bishan library with clique to study. yes, i'm proud to say that i've almost finished up prelim 2007 paper 1. :] i'm pretty much wide awake. deaded.. sure will fall asleep while studying.. monday, 080908 is subchem and emaths p1 then on tuesday,090908 is only subphy. for those who have screwed up practicals like me, do well for theory!! :] now that we have NO MORE D&T! :] haha. yay! only theory paper to clear. which is kind of common sense. so it shouldn't be a problem for majority to pass the paper.

it's not your fault. &don't worry about me. :] i'm pretty much neutral about this. but, really, if there's anything you want to tell, that you need to tell me, that i need to know, you should and have to tell me. i don't want to quarrel. &we should give ourselves a gift. :] haha. ask me. ;] you will kill me if you knew what time i blogged this. haha. x]

-self-medication..