useless

I'll get to the point . I had my maths retest and I think I'm going to flunk it . I feel quite useless after the test . Felt like a lousy arse . But I won't surrender so easily . Even though I gave up on the paper just now ..

Everyday it's the same thing ; my leg hurts . I can't wait for my legs to recover because I don't have time to wait . POL-ITE coming up end of this month . Coach asked me which event I'm going to go for and I said I don't know . So he asked me to try 3000m . I don't know if I can or not .. if it was 1500m maybe uhh .. But then again , come to think of it , the pace for 1500m has to be fast . Then again , 3000m isn't that easy also . I already want to die after running 6 rounds and I only clock 11.06 . Like , WTF ?! D: And that is another reason why I feel useless ..

Anyway , this Friday gonna have time trial . Yesterday I was saying that I don't think I can get a sub 10 , much less a PB . But for the sake of the 3000m ... just whack laa . See how lorr . How can you lose a battle when you haven't even started fighting? - Wei Jian . He actually said this . I guess there's a philospher hidden deep down in him . (: Btw , I like the new Wei Jian . :D

Everytime after training , I will listen to coach and reflect on training then during debrief , he will talk about some general stuff . I realised that there are so many morals to learn everytime I go training . They might be the same morals , but they're used in different context . And everytime I reflect , I feel so conscious of myself . ): I will feel like a total loser or something . But everytime I feel .. melancholy , nobody understands . ): But as long as I know what I'm doing .. I think I should be on the right track .

Looking back at what happened during these three days , I think it's not the right time yet . If you are reading this , I hope you know I'm referring to us . Then again , I might just be thinking too much because I have a lot of things on my mind now and I can't seem to get anything done at this moment . I'm feeling pretty down right now , but you don't really seem to know .. I'll get over myself . Kind of pathetic , always self-pitying . God , sometimes I wonder if I have any brains responsibility ..

Okay , I'm done wallowing in my self-pity . Next time I'll be bitchy .
Toodles .

- everything comes naturally