Recently, I have been dreaming. Dreaming in my sleep, that is. I haven't dreamt as regularly as recently since.. well, since a long time. So I thought about why am I only dreaming more recently, and then I thought that maybe it was because that I have been thinking a lot. Then I think about what the things that I have been thinking about, and I think like, a shit-tonnes of things. Russell Peter is right, women can never shut their mouths. Even if we could, we wouldn't be able to shut that annoying voice in our brains whenever we try to sleep, whenever we want to have lunch, every time we are faced with choices, every time we are having fun.
Every time we are alone.
I ran my first night run alone just now and it was scary. I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm just afraid that I'll get robbed and have no energy to run away from the robber/ to catch the robber. I had like, a few scenarios playing out in my mind, about a hundred dialogues that might come up, and a blizzard of kung-fu actions that I thought of doing when it comes to the worst-case scenario. When I run, I concentrate a lot on trying to not have any physical contact with anyone (I'm neurotic like that), I think of my post-run exercises, I think of random embarrassing moments, work, life, food, my friends, things that I want to do when I get home, clothes, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, a funny name I came across, bananas, cats, that cute passerby, shows that I have yet to watch/ already watched, things that I need to do, songs, money (ugh, I'd usually frown really bad then get a headache), AND A WHOLE LOT MORE. But mostly, I think of many individual persons and reflect on myself.
People say they like running at night because they can think better as it's quiet and cooler at night. I could never wrap my head around that logic. Hello, it's 11pm, what the fuck are you doing, you should be enjoying the warmth of your bed not torturing your already-tired body. Well, I ran late today because I just needed to, my body told me that it needs to stop being a lazy fuck. I don't think clearly when I run. My thoughts lap over a gazillion times so it's as chaotic as the McDonald's Hello Kitty craze. If you thought dubstep hurt your brain, my thoughts are the nuclear spill of TEPCO's Daiichi nuclear plant thingy.
Just trying to blog this out is taking a lot of time because I'm in the living room and my uncle just keeps switching channels on TV; I get so distracted when The Simpson's come up but then he decides to be a prick and switch to some boring BBC Knowledge channel about cars.
I think a lot better when it's quiet, but then I get so fidgety because the quietness rings in my ears and then I'd feel so restless. Sigh, sometimes I really want to punch myself in the mouth for being such a noob like this.
When I was younger (secondary school), my thoughts were just mostly filled with..... nothing. I spent most of my time playing Maplestory and Audition and like, stupid handheld games that I don't think much. When I do, it's just school, homework and my boyfriend. In retrospect, my life was so fucking simple and good and I was such a boring kid. I think I still am, I mean, who blogs about thinking and thinks about thinking as if thinking is a topic that people thinks about.
...You get the point.
But as I think more and reflect, I learnt about myself and people, and... kinda understand a lot more things that I won't understand from an encyclopaedia. Plus, thinking is great exercise for your mind. Also, if you're wondering why I abuse Twitter like that, this is your answer. Twitter's like the vomit chute of my brain's not-so-filtered regurgitation. I am an addict and I am not sorry. Nights like this are perfect for thinking; in any way you want: loudly, quietly, ruminatively, insensitively, unashamedly.
Thinking, and articulating your thoughts that did not go through any thinking, have a thin line that separates the people and.. the idiots. Thinking involves listening and listening involves shut-the-fuck-up. So the people who open their yap and then wonder why people get mad at them, they're the idiots. Listening gives you information. Information is fact that you hear the first time, then it gets chewed on and that's thinking, finally it will be swallowed and that is understanding. We all have different perspectives and depending on every individual's taste, information might get stuck between the teeth, or might taste bitter (e.g. First Impressions and gossips). It might choke or slide down the esophagus like chicken soup, and if you get diarrhoea, you need more Vitamins C and E. That is, compassion and empathy.
Our thoughts are the only intangible thing that really, truly belongs to us. Our actions define us, right? So what makes us do? What makes us act? Think, with a big heart, a spacious mind. Ignorance is not bliss. If you need an example- Amy Cheong. If you have a narrow mind, you'll walk a narrow path.
What I'm trying to get at is that our thoughts are wholly products of our essences, they are as unique as our DNA because we all have different voices (duh), they are something that we can all control because they are purely manufactured by us. We are all on different levels of sanity, and our willpower are not God-like (then again I doubt God needs willpower when He has all the power without even lifting a finger). We shouldn't doubt our thoughts and we should always be honest about our thoughts to ourselves. Who said anything about sharing all your thoughts?! And also, why should anyone lie to themselves? We stop believing because we stop thinking. Imagination is free; it has no laws, it won't judge itself, it is infinite.
"The truth will set you free."
The Earth is more than just a sphere of atoms that become physical matter. Just travelling from Dover to Pasir Ris takes 45 minutes of your life and we are all complaining that that is a long time. Have you looked at the atlas, or at least looked at Google Map with no address? No? Here. Now look at Singapore on the world map. Then go west and look for Mississippi. I don't know where is Mississippi. I just like saying "Mississippi." Haa haaaaa. :D
Sometimes I think I'm just entertaining myself with these thoughts.
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